ASKING THE GODDESS

Albertina Museum Gallerie in Wien

Landed back in California after a successful visit with my beloved family and friends, cultivating and renewing bonds, projects and the last years of my life as  this person Julia Lazar.

On Jan Spiller's website the Goddess oracle


Your Question:

what is my best chance for a positive cash lifestyle supporting cash flow?

Your answer:

Consider the influence of: A HAPPY OUTCOME

The situation is completing itself in a positive way.

ON MY WAY TO EUROPE I PRAY

Last hours in Mill Valley at Kelli's with Max & Kai, who is 18...no shit...old amazing kitty.
So sweet, both of them.

blogging at Kelli's Mill Valley Blithedale canyon

My contemplation has been around partnership, what it means and what I need from my partner.
Much has come up and a lot of energy will have to be spent to change the ways I relate and who is my dharmic partner. Not as much as having to cut off my right arm to be able to survive...but when I saw the movie 127 hours, it gave me that insight, that some things are that painful, daring and necessary, to get out of a tight spot.

For now, I am on my way to visit people I truly love, and can rely on as friends and family.
My focus is on sharing the adventure and joy of having friends and family, bring gifts, take care of some finances and reconnect with the part of European culture I love.

"Lack and delay now crumble away and I step into my promised life under grace." inspired by "Flossie" Florence Scovel Shinn...I wonder if she liked her last names....kinda remind me of my own awkward married last names Hirschal - Dill.

Thanking divine design today, to have given me an intellect that seeks the knowledge of the truth, and a heart that can bear the presence of the great Self.

LUNAR BIRTHDAY 2010

PEACE

My 53rd year around in this constellation, this body, this stellar group of family and friends.

It's full moon and it's especially difficult to stay clean and sober.

I so long to share and celebrate my being alive and share the exhilaration of the presence of Love.

My usual companion is choosing other activities, people and experiences.

So, here is the test...can I love and celebrate myself in the middle of raging full moon energies...mad drivers, almost hit a biker crossing me on the freeway - had to slam my brakes like never before....high tide, Rastafarian excesses planned by the water's edge on my own? It's a friend's birthday rager, turned 40.

Jetsun, name and also title.
Great soul.

I shall dare to stay clean and sober and go celebrate our life.

Being grateful for another day, feeling all my feelings, having compassion and understanding beyond my wildest dreams.

MILL VALLEY SERENITY

This morning in meditation I had a visceral experience of my environment shaping out of my mind-heart connection manifesting as a safe serene sanctuary to live and create in.

SANTOSHA KOMBUCHA

So, when I arrived at Kelli & Jimmy's home to hang with Kai & Max, feeding them and doing all the blog work I've been waiting to do, it fit.
Blogging, making earrings for travel gifts, phoning friends in Europe and deeply chilling while doing body care is in order and a true gift from Creator.

NOVEMBER 7, 2010

  Here are some photos of my 53rd birthday, of which the lunar moment is in two days, full moon in Taurus on Friday.

BUDAPEST - WIEN - BUDAPEST

It's done...we have our tickets, our friends and families know, we are going to take flight to visit my birthplace.
The cradle of western classic
Cakes in layers, architecture in golden means and friends I have had since I was a teenager.

My young family's new home and den addition.
My old friends are moving again and their son and daughter's new life crossing ours.

Budapest, a gift from Gurumayi, my friendship there and the warm welcome, satsang and art connection.

My vision is to connect, to see, to be seen and allow for the fine network of friendship and goodwill to create a charmed life under grace.

HARVEST MOON

My birthday is coming up, and I have several...

Each important shift in my life is a birth of sorts and this week a year ago, I have put down self medication and went fully sober, with the intention to stay sober for the remainder of this life.

A lot of help came to this birth and new life on a daily basis.
I am deeply grateful.

My physical birth day is coming up fast, at the time begotten with severe affliction, eclipses and darkness...now ushered in, is the golden part of my life path...in golden company and again, all the help I need to keep growing (UP) toward the Light.

Co creating family & community one day at the time.

Share your thoughts....and blessings.

FULL MOON AND WHAT AM I SEEING...

...auspicious fine rain moistening the air...cleaning and clearing the particles that make breathing so difficult.
To draw a deep clean breath is one of the most joyful experiences in this body.
Movement...Art...Leisure....Food.

Alone time at my new home.
Crying deeply every night.
This is not what I wanted.

Understanding what it is that I do want.
This morning during meditation I saw it:
"Just ask Jules...articulate....ask for what you want.
You can have it...promise. You just have to ask."
Nicely.
Relaxed.
Knowing that God hears every thought and heart's desire.

Pray for those you love and left behind.
For the miracle of having Dawn as my daughter.
Golden Dawn.

Finding out about "abandonment depression'... triggered by experiences alike to what 'happened' as an infant, locked into the cells of the body....which is why no matter how 'old' we are, it's locked insdie and can be healed only...HOW?
I gotta know.

It has destroyed so many relationships and fine connections.
Flashbacks of terror...of being alone...sad and needing a kind word.
A hug.

Ouch.

Forgetting all the connections that went before.
Loosing all perspective.
Flooded with primal fear.

There has to be a way.
This is what I pray....
I want to have these locked up patterns released from my body and mostly: mind.
Once and for all.
Until then, I need to be able to drop it like a coin, like a hat, like a hot potato.

Just drop it.
And be free.
At leisure with my art & favorite foods & peeps.

127 Hours at the MVFF

What a movie....I LOVED it.
Danny Boyle managed to make a super difficult subject, Aaron R, trapped in a Colorado canyon for 127 hours, having to cut off his own arm, in order to get out (really, true story) into an amazingly dynamic and uplifting film.
In my opinion.
The best part in my experience, he is the kindest most open and accessible super star director, I have ever had lunch with.
I got to go to the film festival reception and screening by sheer grace and family connections.
God's ways are mysterious and great.
I am grateful.

Can one Love a phone?

It's my new phone, I have to admit, I never wanted to love such a thing...especially with all the Apple heads around...iThis - iThat...well, no matter.

I love my new iPhone 4.
Here are some pics I took in Bolinas with the lovely group of ladies in fur: Lola, Yoda, Tilly (Matilda) and Mabeline.
Here is the coolest of camera features: you can touch on an icon and the camera turns to face you and you can take pics of your self and your group without awkwardly turning and shooting blind.
Really.

Keeps going: it works with HD video as well...will post as soon as I have a good one.
For now, enjoy Tom and I on a walk in the hills.

By the way, I cook for the fur-girls...for reals.
Love it...there is nothing more rewarding than cooking some meat, totally plain, and having these wonderful beings slurp  it up like it's the most delicious fare they have ever tasted.


Mabeline is the English Bulldog and is a 6months old puppy.
It's hilarious how bullyish she is and wanting to be a lapdog at the same time...she has great humor and charm too...to think that she was a rescue...they were going to put her down because they thought she was deaf. Not even. Selective hearing perhaps yes. You should see her listen when she is called to eat or play.

FILM SET CATERING...A BLAST

Two and a half days on set with James Wood shooting a short: "Ayammwahu", yes it's a made up name, and I think I have found the right constellation to what will be my livelihood and  a place of employment for friends and stellar talent in the years to come.
Combining the skills, talent and enthusiasm of the last 40 years of my life "Food - Film - Service" come together to form a new Film Set Catering buziness with an emphasis of using organic, green and nourishing foods for the crafts people and artists on set.
Some pics of the last job.
I need to find the right name for this business...will you please help?
Please post your ideas in the comment section!

Thank you.
My deep gratitude to the producer of this film: Dionisio Ceballos, who had faith in my ability and put the money where his faith is.
And last not least God in form of my meditation teacher who has brought all of us together and brings out the best in me.

Wah Washington state is so beautiful!

Camping with Tom's family attending a natural wedding in God's lap.
Super cool. Completely recharged all atoms of my body and mind with green green rolling meadows, bears, kids, trees everywhere, a sleeping lady mountain, yes here too, Mt Tamalpais sister.
Got to play photographer and camera girl too.
That big blue tent is where Tom and I slept, we had real twin size mattresses, super luxe camping. The outdoor showers amongst the trees behind our tent had those European gas water heaters that heat only the water you use...it totally worked.

CHOOSING NEW RESPONSES

...is what today and the current curriculum in God's university is all about.
My boyfriend says something thats true to him and honors his need and my first reaction is: F U!
Then I look at it again...a little softer....well, he says what he needs and thinks.
Thats OK.

I can let it go.

More and more...easier and easier... especially when there is lots of space and time and things to do that I love.

Today I saw my new home!
Long white and other light colored fabrics where swaying a warm breeze...very clean floor, warm and open and clear...inviting to stretch, dance, paint, collage, even prep food...yup that clean:)

A sanctuary for my mind, body and soul.
Safe, clean, spacious, mine.

"The Heart is the hub of all sacred places...go there and roam."
My new space is an external manifestation of my heart...and I can have you over for dinner and tea.

PERSONAL PARTICIPATION IS VITAL...

From photo journaling a friend giving birth, to experiencing the depth of emotional surgery, all in one day, same time, same place same peeps...Help!

Driving back from this near death experience, new life, letting go of expectations, knowing that I am on my own and not alone (or almost knowing that), I saw how much I need gentleness, healing, nurturing and sweet kind loving. If my partner cannot bring that, do I have to:
a) let him go and find a new one
b) let him go and be on my own
c) allow my friends to help
OK...I C:)

More later.

I'm soooo lucky!

When is enough really enough?

It's when you walk away feeling free'er...with a bounce in your step...even lightheaded, knowing you have completed a cycle, learned your lessons, asked for your defects to be removed, let it cut deeper and BINGO.

You are free.

On to the next assignment.
Maybe take a little vacation.

Baths. Manicure and pedicure. Hair color. Read several great books. See movies in a theater enjoying the freedom of your own Love & Respect.

Forgive and forget.

Open to Love again.
Wholeheartedly.
Honestly.
Sweetly.

Always giving it your best.
Thats you Jules.
Kudos.

Appreciation goes a long way.

Partnership is just that. A ship. Reliable, seaworthy, beautiful, clean and spacious enough for creativity and lovely play. The rats will always jump ship first. The captain stays. Stay Jules, in partnership with God, your Creator and loving presence whispering sensual secrets into your ear, only for your lovers to hear.
Lovers come and go.
God remains.

Still on my 7th step.
Ouch.

July SF Underground Market Full Vendor List

July SF Underground Market Full Vendor List

23Monkeytree is SETTING UP SHOP

My own APPLE CART on ETSY is a dream come true!
There was a time where I dreamed of having a place where I could offer all the things I love to make, for all of you, and you be able to find it and take home.
Today, I opened my Etsy shop, online. 23Monkeytree is the username and OMG, I have so much to learn and do and....relax about :).
It's so much fun, I forgot to eat dinner which right now I'm feeling...so I gotta go.

Enjoy!

My Life grows like a tree

Oaks come to mind.
They grow deep and wide, then there is a period where nothing seems to progress.
Its the time they get solid in their stands and their wood so valuable.

There is a lot going on in my life. I would compare it to a complete remodel of an old house, thats architecturally beautiful, precious and even a landmark, but had to be gutted, completely hollowed out and rebuilt with all new utilities, pipes and cables, connections, to support the progressive lifestyle.

A new garden planted, able to nourish and sustain the people who live there.

My relationship with my intimate partner, my young family, the fellowship and art community: all new and growing into a canopy of birdsong, happy thoughts and luscious shade from harsh burning mid day sun.

Life is as God wants it to be, and my job is to pay attention to take every step on that path, one day at the time. Lack and Delay now crumble away and I step into my promised life under grace.

My Art in the Firehouse North

This month it was Tom's turn to curate and get artists, invitation and party together. So fine and relaxing to be one of the artists taken care of...so cool.
Thank you Tom Franco, FAC director and partner in yoga, art & food.

Events Details | La Mission & Marin Institute

Events Details | La Mission & Marin Institute

HAPPY BIRTHDAY GURUMAYI

May all your prayers and wishes for us come true easily and in a fun playful way! SGNMK

CELEBRATING FRIENDSHIP, FAMILY AND COMMUNITY ONE DAY AT THE TIME

CELEBRATION

FREINDSHIP

FAMILY

Art Party at the Firehouse North in Berkeley, Chanti's birthday make up gathering in Fairfax, hiking Tilden park, planning, sharing and alas, still fighting while getting to know each other's boundaries.

COMMUNING IN NATURE

GRIER COOPER Photography

Was a professional ballet dancer, began photographing dancers backstage while performing.
Later became a commercial photographer 15 years ago.
Dance has been an  integral part of Grier's life since childhood.
Danced professionally in New York, San Francisco and Miami.
Currently lives Marin county with her daughter and boyfriend, as a freelance writer and photographer.

"Dance is both expression and sanctuary....a means of simultaneously connecting to your self, others and the divine."

Full Moon challenge

Having had a super busy week of supporting my beloved friend's art life, the full moon just kicked in and my ass while not expecting the full force of nature coming down in form of tension.
Why?
What on earth?
Everything conspires to uplift and carry my soul home.
Lightness of being.

So how could it be that the lake of pain is deeper and it's pull stonger than the ocean of compassion with the reflection of the full moon shining so brightly on it.
So, things aren't in line to be sustainable and supportive of a life of depth and regeneration.
Chaos is pretty much daily fare and I trust my higher power to be in charge, since nothing I do or am in charge of can possibly carry Grace as service can.

Must I truly make changes so radical, so disturbing, so painful to be, once again, the One and only, instead of the part of a couple that sustains and nourishes?

Promises were made and keeping them is the work.

Can we just have fun again?
Can we look into each others eyes and see sparkling joy?

Tonight?

Breaking up is easy to do and hard to maintain serenity around

It's his mental and emotional absence and unavailability that breaks connection. 

Astro: "Although it's difficult to let go of a hurtful memory, you are now able to see beyond your previously limited point of view as you reinvent your frame of reference. Today, your emotional IQ is supplemented by your common sense as the earthy Taurus New Moon activates your 7th House of Relationships. It doesn't matter how much your life has changed; you can still benefit from a supportive friendship if you are willing to entertain the possibilities."


I felt so scared and hurt over being left for two days not knowing how to connect or receive attention that I had to find something to explain my pain.
I found a lingering romance with someone long distance that made my stomach turn and highlighted the hurt and fear I have around being abandoned by a vital heart connection.


The outbursts and destructive force of anger and resentment where so violent, they almost killed all connection...if my boyfriend wouldn't be who he is and understand where this pain comes from, I would have lost him for good.


Remarkably, he showed up in a completely new way...more loving and fun, more open and available than I could have ever asked for.


Why the need for such storms that hurt so much, it's like stabbing at myself with a knife, over and over...I would have had severe cuts had I acted out the feelings I had during this week.

Divine Design operates in all my affairs

The word operates fascinates me.
Origin: 

1600–10; < LL operātus, ptp. of operārī, -āre to work, be efficacious, effect, produce, L: to busy oneself, v. deriv. of opera effort, work, akin to opus work; see -ate¹

It implies work, surgery, theater and drama as in opera, stealth undertaking of military operations...it all conspires to a single event: one day at a time in my life.
So when I think of Divine Design, the blueprint of my life, the shape, the taste, the smell, the quality of my day, effected by the operation of divine impetus...IF I LET it happen that way.
When I use my mental capacity to align myself to divine design, I live creatively according to my top line. Every  thought that pops into the sky of my mind produces a feeling...and all thoughts produce corresponding feelings....I get to choose to give it importance and therefore power.

Then I can ask myself, what would I prefer to feel right now?
Connection, contentment, success in worldly affairs make me feel grounded and deeply grateful...I see that I have a choice. My life takes on the shape of those thoughts and feelings, people and circumstances.

No longer do I have to control, manipulate or fret over what is. I can Love, I can dance, give and receive joy, be still and deep, document what I see and celebrate this gift of life: The Present.

Balance while walking the razors edge

Finding the balance between being on my own and not alone.


Taking care of business while still taking care of significant relationships as I am myself in a healthy way.
Every day there is the challenge to stay afloat in joy.
It's not a miracle or random gift, I find, but a meticulous effort to do what I know is healthy and uplifting to me. What that might be, changes every minute and with every situation.


Today, it was staying in town, going to DMV for address change and car registration, smog check, brakes repair and writing all the blog posts for this months art exhibition at the gallery. Texting support to my absent, unavailable boyfriend and setting up a visit to a friend on bed rest. 


This instead of the camping trip I had looked forward to.


All this, while I am in between having a home and steady income....staying with friends who are patient, kind and a lot of fun to hang out with. Going to 12 step meetings, meeting new friends, who I can call upon when I need to stay afloat in joy. Thats how it works...giving and receiving...when those are in balance, life is good.


"....In more and more societies, though (including my country and probably yours), I'd argue that there's a different dividing line. This is the line between people who are actively engaged in new ideas, actively seeking out change, actively engaging--and people who accept what's given and slog along. It starts in school, of course, and then the difference accelerates as we get older. Some people make the effort to encounter new challenges or to grapple with things they disagree with. They seek out new people and new opportunities and relish the discomfort that comes from being challenged to grow (and challenging others to do the same)." Seth Godin


Today, I make the effort to stay afloat in joy.
Today, I thank heaven for the Divine Design operating in my life, taking care of the bigger picture, so that I can live in truth today. Taking the steps that lead me to - morrow.

Art of Life today, Monday

It's Monday, two days before the full moon, Mercury is retrograde.
I got no job but enough savings to be Ok (Yay!, thanks to my mentor Ken T).
Committed to a relationship that is so transformational, it borderlines psychic surgery, and makes me want to be the best I was born to be.
This captures my feelings toward my boyfriend:

"I'm a hyper around my friends, classy in front of the guys, crazy around my family & at a loss for words when I see you."

Shipping my "Golden Dawn" face cream to 'Bella Sutra' skin care in Mill Valley, CA.
Town of the rich and healthy. God bless them.
Cool prospect, to have those ladies and gents (Yes the cream works wonders for the freshly shaven!) wear the cream I developed, because I couldn't spend $ 300 bucks on a product half as good.

"In high school, some people learn to ship, they learn to do work that matters and most of all, they learn to ignore the critics they can never possibly please. The ability to choose who judges your work--the people who will make it better, use it and reward you--is the key building block in becoming an artist in whatever you do." Seth Godin

Pays to be an artist!
Today.

beach time with my Cali peeps

Family time with T-bone and the pups.
As well as two of my favorite Special Yoga Families.

Don't get much better than this...